Reality
By Liquidjade

The nightmare
The mirror
The reality
Become this nightmare
A mirror
This reality

i wish i could
Shake myself awake

Unwanted
Ignored
Neglected

My body aching

Hungry
for actual physical touch
eager to serve

a longing which
No fantasy
Self-flagellation
Or amount of masturbation
Can sate

Perhaps
If i just walked into the computer
i would find all of my friends.

But would the friendship be real
The laughter genuine?
Or False?

Would i, could i,
feel
the heat of a kiss
The Burn of rope
the Sting of whip

the Tenderest of touch

If i stepped, into my computer ~
Would You step into Yours?
Would You meet me half way?

Or Would You walk away from me?

Will i find anyone In this lil box,
or anywhere for that matter,
Who would want and Adore me

Anyone who would Cherish
All i have to offer
Someone to Use this body well

maybe i should also
pretend to be something i am not

Perhaps i am just a distraction
convenient for most
online or otherwise

the memory of Your phrases
still pierce my heart
continuing to kill me with each syllable

i weep tears of blood
Your words echoing in my mind…
Yet still
Longing for Your call,
Hoping still for your touch

Realizing it was never about
You
Uus
me

It was about
Only about being used

How do i get my power back?
How do i find me?

When all i see in the mirror is
Pathetic
Unwanted
Worthless
Ugly

Never good enough

i am tired
of pretending
everything is okay
i’m tired of feeling

i want to be numb

Why can’t i turn off the pain!
Where did i go?
Who am i?

To be free
Of this pain
i would give
anything
If i had anything left
To give

Then the true reality hits
Within the darkness
Echoing in silence

That I’m okay

It’s okay to be just me

I don’t need pitty
Or want it

Nor do I want or tolerate
fallacies
not any more

What I do
Want and Need
is something real

With a touch of
Humanity
Love
and
Compassion

This
I know
I Deserve