My own personal experience and reflections

“I wished you to know how much what I read in your messages today meant to Me. I tried to do so in My reply to you, but could only muster a modicum of what I was feeling into the fumbling awestruck words I wrote to you. God, how I do cherish and love you and how you do please and pleasure Me…not only in all manners and matters sensual and sexual…but in every nuance and facet of the woman and person you are, My wonderful jade, especially in those many odd, strange and obscure points of interest within Our likes, piques, personalities, desires, amusements, attractions and entertainments in which We coincide and intersect so flawlessly and complimentary of one another…both opening and sharing new vistas moment by moment…such is love…”

Not everyone is blessed with such verbal/written eloquence.  When the words are there, unique, expressed with thought and heartfelt sincerity, the words are cherished, treasured with every fiber of my being.  These words of love that make me melt every time I read them. 
Letters, email, text, phone calls and packages are the primary ways to express yourselves to one another is he main factor in long distance relationships. Something that can weigh heavy and take it’s toll. 

Regular relationships are hard work, add the dynamics of more people and not only do you need to be aware of yourself, but of others as well. 

 It takes more than pretty words to keep a relationship going. Actions do speak louder than words. Lasting Love is not easy, hearts are frail and easily broken by lies, insecurities, and egotistical manipulations. 

Never leave a hurting partner. You are in their life because they want you to be and visa versa. Some things are easy to resolve like a change in the dinner menu, staying out longer, or even just staying in and being with them holding them while they cry. 

It’s not just about the sex or what feels good at the moment.  It’s facing the scary, angry, sad, frustrating, insecure times, and everyone learning supporting and helping each other become better.   

Sometimes it’s easier to slay those inner demons when one knows there is someone there one can lean against after there battle. 

Backing up what you say and feel in your heart, understanding, being patient, being there when times are tough, listening as much if not more than you are listened too, working through things and communicating.  It’s what makes things last. There are sacrifices on everyones part, being there for each other is of the upmost importance. 

If it doesn’t matter to one whether or not the reassurance or working towards bettering the relationship goes beyond the pretty words or the great sex to get ones rocks off . . . then someone is being used. 

If it doesn’t matter to you that one in the relationship is hurting and you leave them for another or that they are in need of something beyond words from you and you do not put yourself aside to help them . . . you are an option, not a priority or addition.

And/or they are disregarding you as much. . . There needs to be some tough communication and perhaps changes. 

The opposite of love is neglect.  If one does not care enough to put forth the effort to go beyond words, what’s the point in saying ‘ I love you’ and what’s the point of the relationship? Has it gone from love to roommates or fuck buddy? 

Realistically it doesn’t take much to reassure the people you care for, nor to acknowledge the reassurance received.  To create an environment where each are able to grow individual as well as everyone growing together, nourishing each beautiful individual soul, definitely takes time and is well worth it. 

If it is important to you take the time out.  

Relationships are hard work, with love and rewards beyond measure. 


I never thought I would miss tasking.  

My previous task assignments were to be completed at certain times throughout the day.  Mechanical, dry, and without feeling.  Fake.

I was recently assigned a task for a while where there was freedom given as to when it was completed.  

A small task, though the words important to me and heart felt, as is with everything about me.  I’m not going to waist my energy saying, conveying, or doing anything if it is not true and real.  Those who choose to respond get more from me and I from them. 

The task came to an end and I miss it.  I still want to convey the words, as I reflect and think they are still there and ring true in my heart.   

I am filled with happy memories from it, learning quiet a bit of my self and others.   

Pondering dynamics of relationships~

Husband, Partner and Dominant. All three are male lovers I am involved with.  Each with their own quirks, interests and different levels of intimacy. 

I am a passionate, sensual, giving and very sexual person with them.   I am also addicted to touch.  I love to touch and pamper and be touched all over.  I can spend hours tickling and massaging a loved one. 

Not everyone likes to touch or be touch as much as I do.  As most everyone express intimacy in varying degrees. My struggle is remembering this is not a rejection of myself or others involved.  Or feeling as if I am being pawned off on the one who shares the same delight in touch, intimacy, and kink. 

The differences? well, a quick summary . . .

One is happy spending an hour with me every morning chatting as we have breakfast together, the occasional kiss and hug, a back scratch or two. A massage and/or falling asleep in my arms.  He is very quiet and can get very grumpy and stand offish when he does not feel well or wants to sleep. 

The other, due to distance, is happy with an occasional phone call or letter/email. When we do have a chance to be together is more into hand holding and kissing, while sharing and creating stories. 

The Third like myself, delights in touch- which spoils me.  Spoils me in a way that I forget others ‘touch’ boundaries, which is something I need to work more on, my forgetfulness has created more than a couple of awkward moments.  Which only ends up in me hurting myself. 

This relationship has also awoken some forgotten desires and yearnings.  A bitter sweet feeling as I was so accustom to turning everything off and ignoring my desires.  

Now I’m waking, more and more each day, each moment. I’m not sure I like it, for it feels like a blessing and a curse.  I feel that my wants, desires, and needs are interfering on others enjoyments lovers and pass times. 

It’s been made clear that I’ve been taking, wanting, or asking for too much time or for things which the energy has been expended for another or somewhere else and I’m left with ‘not in the mood’ or ‘too tired’ or ‘go and see so and so’. 

It’s also been made clear to me that I’m not allowed to give up my date nights. Which is frustrating because I feel like I’m in the way of others developing their own closeness. 

 I need to find some balance to where I feel happy and fulfilled as well as those in my life knowing they are continuing on with their happiness along with mine. 

Working on this communication and finding this balance will be interesting but well worth it.