On being released

 I never thought I would ask to be released, though that is what it came to.

Feeling neglected and disposable was not healthy for me.  I was not getting what I needed; there was too much going on for both of us.  I asked to be released.

I feel it was the right decision while we worked on “sorting” so many “things” going on in life.

I also feel a big empty hole within me.  I have to stop myself from doing my former daily devotions. They were habit and meant a great deal, though I was not aware of how much until I stopped completely. 

I talk with some in my life with their responses as “well, your better off”, yet my heart does not feel better off.

I feel agony, doubt, and sadness.  I feel disconnected and painfully empty. 

I just wish it were easier for me. 

I’m proud of myself for setting healthy boundaries, yet I am seeking comfort.  It is not easy for me to stick up for myself, especially with those whom I love, care for and am devoted to.  It is that part of loving myself, of caring for myself. 

I am hurting.  I’m tired of hurting. I’m trying very hard to stay positive, not falling into ‘self depreciating’ statements, but the truth is I still hurt.  Staying positive, loving myself and working through the pain, is the only way I can do this.  

It has brought up a lot of baggage as well.  So I’m feeling the pain and letting it go, instead of ignoring it and pretending it didn’t happen. 

I just wish I did not feel so alone no matter the fact that this is a process I must feel and do alone. 

Truthfully, right now, I just want to be held. Held by someone who loves me, feeling safe and warm.  Feeling valued. 

 I just want to cry until everything feels better or until I feel nothing at all and I can fall into a dreamless sleep. 


Oh honey,

It was never a question of love.

It was the realization of neglect.

Yes you did:
Shower me with pretty words 
tell me what you desire and what you desire to do to or for me 
tell me you love me

and never fulfill with me what you fulfilled with others. 

I suppose I understand. Nah….  I don’t, really. Not really certain if I care to. 

What I understand is that when I asked for clarification or to go slow, you threw a fit.  Pouting like a child, telling me every thing you thought I wanted to hear. Then  you became a hermit avoiding and projecting guilt until I acquiesced to who,what you wanted, the way you wanted it.  

Soon you stopped sharing. I question if you were ever truthful or if you know what honesty is.  Especially with what is coming out of the wash now. 

hence the realization of neglect.  

Your own actions made it easier to walk away from you. 
I wish you the best with all the love in my heart and am grateful for all the positive things as well as the other experiences I learned from. 

I truly do but with my boundaries firmly in place. 

I do not need to beg anyone to spend time with me in any way shape or form.   

Prose from The Wicker Man within the song Gently Johnny ~ wish I knew who wrote this….

I think I could turn and live with animals 

They are so placid and self contained

They do not lay awake at night and weep for their sins

They do not make me sick, discussing their duty to god

Not one of them kneels to another

Nor to one of its own kind that lived thousands of years ago

Not one of them is respectable 

Or unhappy 

All over the earth 

All over the earth 

Balance of the divine ~ connection with the god

If you only knew where your browns eyes take me

A journey through time
Delicious moments 
Mixed with memories of recent and distant pasts. 

You take my breath away

Needing only but look at me 
Causing my cloths to melt away
Revealing flesh aching to be consumed

A body awakened to its own femininity once forgotten
Beaten alive 
Nurtured by your rugged passion

Tears stream down my face
Spit escapes my mouth 

I scream 
Arousal mixed with pain
Sex drips down my leg 
As you beat me black, blue, red, and eventually purple

Deathly Erotic

Joining of our bodies complete the circle of energy 

As you ravage me over and over again 
Leaving me quivering, crying, cum dripping, barely conscious 
Pile of ecstasy. 


Holding me 
Within peace
Finding my breath again

As you complete my submission 
I complete your dominance
As you awaken the goddess within me 
I awaken the god within you

A precious balance of the divine