In a moment of frustration, I realize it’s just a cup of coffee.
Making it for him means the world to me. Enjoying the cup of coffee with him without interruption is heaven.
We have little alone time, even less adult time and hardly any power exchange time together. It is frustrating, however this is our life at the moment and despite the frustration I am grateful.
Trying to find balance is difficult, to say the least. We are sacrificing ourselves to keep everything going without filling ourselves or each other. I find myself trying to hang on too much. Noticing insecurities growing each day, I become disgusted with myself.
With that being said, within my frustration I am tired of sharing my moments with the damn phone and whomever or what ever is on the other end.
It always seems that what or who ever is on the other end of the phone is more important than time with me. And yet, when I am on the other end of the phone, then what ever is in front of their face is more important. Logically I know this is not the case, though in my heart I feel like I can’t win. I am hurting more than I care to admit.
In this moment of frustration, I remind myself that one, it is not me and two I am worth more than to beg anyone to spend time with me if I was not spectacular and exquisite in some way, I would not have been chosen to share a life with.
I am no longer someone to sit idly by and watch what I have worked for and want in my life be enjoyed by others while I sit in disregard.
I’m tired of feeling this way.
I will let it go.
I’ll go outside, play, experience, and those who want to come with me, will.