I find myself in a conundrum. I am cruel in criticism while brutally honest with myself. However, do I dare to be that honest with others….

Do I voice voice my feelings?

Do I keep quiet and hope for the best?

Do I turn my emotions off and go through the motions? That would certainly protect my heart.

If all I am is to keep everything into play, without sharing of myself and not having closeness, then why try?

Is life worth living being numb and closed off to pain as well as passion?

Would I be safe?

Is safety a fallacy?

Should the cast of characters be replaced?

Is this the beginning of another adventure?

Do I dare proceed, possibly being broken forever or elated beyond belief?

Fear grips my heart and I find myself unable to move.

I am angry and I wonder when it’s my turn.

Paralyzed and resentful, I sort through the puzzle of my life trying to piece together my dreams.

My best my worst


I love you at your worst
I love you at your best

If you were maimed or disfigured from the exquisite beauty you are now…

I would still make love to you, I would still fuck you all night Long.

I’m not perfect.

I gain and loose weight

I’m getting wrinkles

I am going grayer by the moment

If you can’t handle my moments of insecurity and doubt

Then, in the words of Marilyn Monroe

If you cannot love me at my worst,

you do not deserve me at my best.

~ Liquidjade


In A Moment Of Frustration


In a moment of frustration, I realize it’s just a cup of coffee.

Making it for him means the world to me. Enjoying the cup of coffee with him without interruption is heaven.

We have little alone time, even less adult time and hardly any power exchange time together. It is frustrating, however this is our life at the moment and despite the frustration I am grateful.

Trying to find balance is difficult, to say the least. We are sacrificing ourselves to keep everything going without filling ourselves or each other. I find myself trying to hang on too much. Noticing insecurities growing each day, I become disgusted with myself.

With that being said, within my frustration I am tired of sharing my moments with the damn phone and whomever or what ever is on the other end.

It always seems that what or who ever is on the other end of the phone is more important than time with me. And yet, when I am on the other end of the phone, then what ever is in front of their face is more important. Logically I know this is not the case, though in my heart I feel like I can’t win. I am hurting more than I care to admit.

In this moment of frustration, I remind myself that one, it is not me and two I am worth more than to beg anyone to spend time with me if I was not spectacular and exquisite in some way, I would not have been chosen to share a life with.

I am no longer someone to sit idly by and watch what I have worked for and want in my life be enjoyed by others while I sit in disregard.

I’m tired of feeling this way.

I will let it go.

I’ll go outside, play, experience, and those who want to come with me, will.

~ Liquidjade

Awakening From Slumber, Bring Back the Light


Happy New Year to my invisible friends and family.
May this year be prosperous in the most positive and loving forms for us all.

I definitely ready for new things this year. I have been lackadaisical in my postings though I have written much. The last few months have been very difficult for me.

With the heartaches and physical ailments that have ensued in the past few months, I have questioned my status and place in the my various lifestyle settings.

I’ve also been afraid to post such personal memoirs.

Due to the encouragement of my loving partner and a damn good smexay friend – I will be posting the writings of my raw passion, heartache and anger. However they will be edited to protect the not so innocent.

Regardless of who I am with, working through all this makes me better. As I will always try to end on a positive note.